We Three Bitches

Another Friendly Dilemma

Hi Bitches. I need a clear and concise way to solve this mess of a problem that I have. I have a friend who has used up all of her 'shoulder' time. For the 3 years that I've known her she hasn't been able to get over her ex (who she dated for a year in college which was 6 years ago). She has low self esteem (which means we can't say anything that could potentially hurt her feelings, which means we can't say anything! ). She constantly interjects her loneliness in any way she can possibly imagine (example Me: I'm meeting Charles (my bf) for coffee in an hour. Her: At least you have a boyfriend. Unlike the rest of us.) Worst of all, our whole group of friends is scared to invite her anywhere because she's a downer.
I've tried to help her build her self esteem by reminding her that she's smart, beautiful, etc. but I think it's just enabling her at this point.
Basically, I need help in figuring out if I should just tell her straight up to get over it and grow some balls, or if I should just continue this spiral of ignoring her until she stops calling me.

Whatcha think?

Let me preface this with a "I am having issues of my OWN right now" disclaimer in case I sound inordinantly harsh and ugly, but MY GOD, why in the HELL would you continue to put up with this? Someone who is the equivalent of an emotional leech on your testicles like in Stand By Me or something is NOT A FRIEND. It's just a person who is very needy who is feeding on your sense of compassion to suck every bit of validation out of you that exists. Kind of like those fish to put in aquariums to eat the algae. She obviously cannot be happy for you or anyone else when something good happens- it's always about HER.

And I say FUCK HER. Seriously. MOVE ON. I would.
Which might be why I don't have a plethora of friends, but WHATEVER.

If your sense of honor and decency (which I definitely seem to be lacking today) COMPELS you to try and help her, you should just sit her down and tell her to get some help or lose a friend. It's that simple. "Friend" does not equal "free psychosis management," and your duty is done.

Oh my god, I think every woman goes through this at some time or another. I have been dealing with it somewhat lately but at least I live in an entirely different state  than my uber-needy friend from college.  And she DOES seem to find herself in more shit than most people I know and I have no idea how she does it.  That girl attracts drama like white on rice.

But I think that some people CRAVE the drama.  Its like if they aren't the center of everyone's universe then they don't exist.  And you're right, any sort of sensible explanation offends them.  Its ludicrous.  But its the truth.  And she probably only attracts negativity because she projects a negative attitude  I am learning that there is only one method of dealing with these people and that is SLOW WITHDRAWAL.

I don't think it makes you a bad person, some people would probably disagree.  But if you find yourself friends with someone who isn't able to have a conversation with you that isn't 100%  about them (and they don't notice or care) then you are in the midst of a toxic friendship and you must SAVE YOURSELF.  When you have friends, you are there for each other, and helping your friends through their shit is what its all about.  But when its just one thing after another and even if you did need her to maybe be there for YOU for a change, you know not to even bother because the thought kind of makes you giggle and roll your eyes?  Then maybe its time to reevaluate this relationship.

I think maybe start slowly screening calls, don't be as readily available.  But be prepared because if she does confront you about it, better to be honest and just say "You know what?  You're so negative and it kind of bums me out to be around that all the time.  You make me feel guilty for being happy and I refuse to let you do that anymore.  I'm SORRY that you are still hung up on your ex.  That sucks.  But you aren't making an effort to get over him so at this point I think its more your problem.  You DO have good qualities that would make you attractive to someone but you aren't even close to being in a place where a new relationship is a possibility because you are still so hung up on someone who isn't giving you another thought.  And that is something that you are projecting like a beacon to everyone and on everyone.  You're a DOWNER.  People don't like to be around you."

Chances are... you'll help her but she won't be calling for a long time.

Breaking up with friends is a horrible situation and in an ideal world, we'd never have to do it.  And we are all somewhat selfish people by nature so be sure you aren't dealing with just a normal level of self-centered before cutting her loose.  Does she NOTICE when she's just talking about herself and her shit all the time and apologize and change the subject or would she not notice if your house had burnt down because she was too busy performing the postmortem on a three year old breakup?  There is a huge difference... Because we NEED our friends to deal with out lives.  We depend on each other for support and encouragement.  That's what having friends is all about.  But friendships take work.  And if you aren't willing to do the work then you aren't a true friend.  And it sounds like maybe she isn't willing to be there for you anymore.  So maybe its time to cut her loose.

 

On baby-cookin' leave. Read up on all her gestational goings-on here.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Whassup Bitches! :-)

I am a 30 year old single parent of one 12 year year old boy. All my relationships have been sheer disaster. My ex husband, who I married at 18 (stupid I know) ended up being abusive to me in too many ways..........so I finally grew some balls and left around 2001. Shortly after, I got into a relationship with a much younger man and that lasted for years. He was just an asshole, abusive, a liar, all that...............so we finally broke up. That was last April and for some strange reason I can't seem to get over the hurt and pain of the whole thing. I mean, dude is NOT all that and made me miserable..........so why the fuck do I miss him so much? Why do I think about him every day and why the fuck can't I just stop hurting over him? I mean damn, wtf is wrong with me?

Fast forward to the future............so I meet this "nice" guy.........8 years older than me,  police officer............seems like a good guy. We go out for awhile, we seem to click..........i'm like REALLY feeling him you know? I'm actually happy for once.......then the sex comes............and it was great for awhile..............until I realized this fool had pulled an R Kelly move on my dumb ass. I mean omg..............I get up from the bed and i'm like why the fuck is my bed soaking wet? I'm like I know I don't sweat that fucking much...............well ladies...........this asshole actually fucking peed in my bed, inside me...............i'm not exactly sure...........but he fucking pissed during sex! I mean, omg............omg..........omg. Talk about me being mortified! Dude said everything from, "It was an accident", to "I thought women liked that". Okay.................maybe some people are into that freaky shit...........but ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm, R Kelly i'm fucking not! But that's not the worst of it...............dude had like 9 or 10 orgasms and was  still hard! We had sex for almost three hours.............it was good, but after a while I did get kinda tired and spaced out like wtf is going on? I'm like, are you a fucking robot? WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I wanna know..............is that normal..........cause I have never experienced a man that could cum that many times and still keep going...............ever.................not fucking ever. I was so pissed I made him fill out a paper and sign it saying he would pay for my mattress and I kicked his crazy, pissy out tha fuck out! Oh hell nah! Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh, I feel so violated...........not raped or anything like that...........but I do feel violated. I am so crushed, I finally meet a nice guy, good job, treats me great.............and then he ends up being a psycho in bed. WTF is wrong with me that I keep attracted these crazy men, or is it just that there are no decent men left. I know this is alot of crazy shit, and I apologize. I had to talk to  someone.........I have no damn time to go to therapy or any of that..............so I hope you can give me some advice on how to get over my heartache and figure out what the fuck happened in bed with this lunatic! Thanks so much, love ya'll! :-)

Signed,
A very pissed off black woman in Pgh, Pa

Oh.  Ew.  Most assuredly NOT normal. Now you kind of have three (scratch that...four) issues here, don't you?  There are the obvious ones the first of which is, of course, this man PEED IN YOUR HOO-HA to which I would suggest you exact a swift revenge.  Something vicious and appropriate.  And ideally, quite creative.  I happen to be in possession of some knowledge that living in redneckville USA for over 5 years now has bestowed upon me and it seems fitting to pass it along to you.  Deer urine?  Is some disgustingly smelly shit.  You can probably find it or something similar from hunting supply websites because hunters use it to camoflauge their scents while out murdering Bambi.  A few drops of this in his vehicle and he'll be showing that overly excitable wang to nobody but Mr. Hand for at least a month.  This is all, obviously, secondary to making sure he didn't cause any sort of infection with this absolutely vulgar, repugnant action.  You HAVE been to the doctor to check that out, haven't you?

...

Now, on to said overly excitable member... I've heard rumors of non-essential medical intervention.  Do you think perhaps he just pops little blue pills for the fun of it?  It was on Sex and the City once so I'm sure it happens...  I'm not positive but I don't know that it is physically possible for them to just hop up on the pony immediately after they fire a round without the benefit of a nap or a sandwich..  Not being in possession of a penis myself, I'm not 100% certain but I have been on the business end of more than one and in my experience?  The boys?  They need a minute or two.    So no, I don't think is normal either although I don't know that its necessarily a horrible thing... just something that perhaps could result in chafing and exhaustion.  And maybe some boredom, perhaps if you'd broken out a soduko book he would have taken a hint.

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Thirdly.  You have REALLY horrible judgement when it comes to men.  I don't have any suggestions other than what the hell is wrong with you woman?  You are too old to be acting a fool.  I understand you needed to sow some wild oats because of this whole child bride thing but surely you see that your judgement is off.  Don't you?  For god's sake - you have a 12 year old son to raise.  Is this the relationship example you want to set for him?  Do you want him to see a woman who doesn't think enough of herself enough to insist on being treated with some miniscule amount of dignity and respect?

...

And finally.  Repeat after me.  Ellipsis.  THREE. PERIODS.  I am not asking you to use them properly as I am not capable of that myself.  According to Wikipedia, the ellipsis is "used in place of any ommitted part of a sentence that is considered understood."  I have never once used it in that manner.  HOWEVER.  My retinas are burning from reading the last half of your question.  In the future please disengage your finger from that particular key a little quicker.  Mmmmkay?  Thanks.

I  think I'm about to venture into "revealing too much about my past" land, but first off (because we have so much to deal with here), your incontinent relation? Is most likely on FUCKING DRUGS. And I don't say that because he sounds like a loon- I say that because one of the side effects of many drugs is the ability to go forever and not come. I'm not going to list them all because HEY WHAT WOULD I KNOW THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL AND I JUST READ ABOUT IT SOMEWHERE (try Google- it's a good thing), but I would wager a guess that the biggest problem this guy has isn't a golden fetish. It's a drug problem. The urine might just be a side effect of that. And considering you said the guy is a COP, the last thing he would want to tell you is that he was loaded. I'm sure a few little excuses are far better than admitting he's dipping into the evidence.

And lest you think I'm making assumptions here, I can think of no other reason he has this particular capability. And if you have no problem with having a drug addict for a boyfriend, then merry christmas to your hoo-ha, honey.

As for the other stuff... (see?)
Lots of women have a hard time learning to pick the good ones. It takes time, self-confidence, and practice. As a general rule, the three A's are good reasons to run like hell and never look back: addiction, abuse, adultery. After those, you can get picky. But I would recommend you spending some time ALONE until you get some self-worth going on.
And let's not even mention your son seeing a parade of potential dads coming through the house. Let your son be your focus for a while. Funny how the right guy shows up when you stop looking.

And one more thing.
I just wanted to give you brownie points for totally stumping me here for a few days, because getting a question about what to do when a guy pisses in your delicate regions was never what I had in mind when we started this thing (notice how I kind of dodged that part and went all serious on you, because EEWWWWWW). I bet Zube's glad she's gestating right now. Sheesh.

On baby-cookin' leave. Read up on all her gestational goings-on here.

Short and Not At All Sweet

whats up babe

You only send three words, you only get one bitch. Economy, you know. I'm also starting to rethink the whole "we'll answer whatever people send" policy.

WHAT'S UP? Well, let's see... the price of gas, the nation's debt, the carbon in the atmosphere, my temper, any man's penis when the breeze blows right, the bird over your head about to shit in your eye, the temperature outside, the price of Britney's discarded hair, my own IQ...

And "BABE"? Who in the HELL do you think you are referring to us as the title of Styx's shittiest song EVER? Had you called us "Renegade," I might have been nicer, buttmunch. Make a mental note for next time, 'K?